


Kept Closest

by withhishands



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M, response to s3e6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 15:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withhishands/pseuds/withhishands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey's POV after Cascading Failures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kept Closest

**Author's Note:**

> Title from 'Crystalised' by the XX
> 
>  
> 
> _Don't think that I'm pushing you away,_  
>  when you're the one that I've kept closest.
> 
>  
> 
> Nothing in here is graphically about that scene (you know what scene), but I included the warning just in case. 
> 
> Also, I'm like 99% sure Mickey is pretty OOC in this, so bear with me. It's my first story.

Mickey can't look at Ian. He's afraid of what he's going to see. He can't handle seeing disgust or pity. He shouldn't have come into work today, that much is painfully clear. Living through it was bad enough, but facing Ian seems infinitely worse. 

Mickey managed to make a run for it sometime after Terry kicked Ian out. He spent the night on the rooftop that they set Ian's obstacle course up on. 

He doesn't know why he decided to come here, to the Kash and Grab. Is his crippling fear of Ian rejecting him so easily overshadowed by his somewhat frantic need to make sure Ian is okay? He couldn't even sleep last night for worry that Ian wouldn't want to look at him and that Ian was hurt and Mickey hadn't noticed. 

But, Ian is here. He's working. He's staring directly at Mickey, who can't lift his eyes to meet Ian's gaze. 

"Mick," Ian says softly. 

Mickey can't do this. What the fuck was he thinking? What made him think he could handle looking Ian in the eye after he watched Mickey go through that? His father ripped open his heart for Ian to see yesterday, laid plainly in his gaze that Ian couldn't even look at. He must be a masochist, coming here and letting himself be this vulnerable. Ian might be the person he trusts the most, out of anyone else in the world, but that bar is set pretty low, and he's not sure he trusts Ian enough to not break his heart. 

Mickey jumps at Ian's touch on his shoulder. The flinching reaction makes Mickey grimace. Is this how he's going to be from now on? Afraid of someone touching him?

"I'm sorry," Ian says, pulling his hand back. Mickey wants to grab his hand and put it back, but can't make his arm move. 

He looks up at Ian. He braces himself for everything he fears he'll see. How can Ian not look differently at him after seeing Mickey do something so horrible?

He doesn't see disgust. He doesn't even really see pity. He sees Ian's eyes, red and filled with tears, blinking at him like he's afraid Mickey isn't okay. It's concern and love and it's almost more painful to look at than anything Mickey had been expecting. Except he can breathe now. For the first time since his father punched Ian yesterday, Mickey can fucking breathe. 

"Can I," Ian says, reaching his arm out again, but not actually touching Mickey yet. Mickey must nod, he hopes he's nodding. Ian's hand touches his forearm and Mickey doesn't flinch. This is Ian. This isn't his father, or the Russian prostitute, or anyone else in the goddamned world. This is Ian. 

Ian must notice the way Mickey relaxes slightly at his touch because he pulls Mickey against his chest. Mickey's never actually hugged anyone who isn't Mandy as far as he can remember. It's therapeutic, being gripped that tightly. After a few seconds, Mickey hugs him back. He presses his face into Ian's neck and grips Ian's back. 

Mickey pushes him away before he gets stuck and someone walks in. And that just solidifies his reality. Does it even matter anymore if people walk in? Can anyone actually inflict something on him worse than he's already bore? He steps away, anyway. 

"Where did you stay last night?" Ian asks. 

"The rooftop," Mickey says.

"The one fuckin' place I didn't check," Ian mumbles. 

Mickey doesn't know what to do with that information. Ian went looking for him last night? Mickey feels relief wash over him at the thought. 

"I'll sneak out again tonight," Ian says. He's not looking at Mickey, rather pacing a length of the floor. Mickey wants to reach out a hand to stop him, but he doesn't. Mickey sits on a chair behind the deli case and waits until Ian sits down at the cash register. Ian sits still for a few moments before reaching under the register and passing Mickey the store gun. "Keep it on you?"

Mickey nods and takes the gun. 

It's late when Ian makes it to the rooftop. Mickey's smoked through a pack of cigarettes since he left Ian a few hours ago. Ian smiles when he sees Mickey and it actually makes Mickey feel good. They spend a lot of time not talking. Mickey is definitely glad for an hour of just sitting next to Ian. 

Mickey doesn't know why he breaks the silence, but he does. 

"I'm gonna kill him," Mickey says. It needs to be said. He feels the need to let Ian know. "I swear to God, I'm gonna kill him."

For some reason Mickey is expecting this to be a repeat of the Frank argument. It's not, though. Mickey never once thought he'd think highly of Frank, but that bastard couldn't care less about Mickey's sexual orientation. Or his son's, for that matter. Ian gets the difference, too, because he doesn't try to dissuade Mickey in the slightest. 

Ian just pushes his shoulder into Mickey's, waits for Mickey to turn toward him, and presses their lips together. It's brief, but it's perfect. They're on the same page. 

"You been back to the house?" Ian asks quietly. He rests his head on Mickey's shoulder and waits for an answer. 

"Don't want to risk it," Mickey says. 

"I can ask Mandy to grab some of your stuff, bring it to the store," Ian says. "I don't have to tell her why. I mean, she'll want to know, but I won't say anything."

Mickey nods. He doesn't want to involve Mandy, but he does need his shit.

"She was the first person I ever told, you know," Ian says. "About being gay."

Mickey doesn't know why this surprises him. He knows that Mandy and Ian had been dating, but he never really considered that Mandy knew he was gay and was acting as his beard. When Mandy told him to lay off of chasing down Ian, he stopped. Mandy was never short on people she wanted Mickey to beat up. He didn't think about it more. 

"I'll talk to her," Mickey says finally. If anyone is going to tell her, it's going to be Mickey. He's never actually told anyone. "When you gotta be back?" Mickey asks. 

"Morning," Ian says. "Lip'll let me in before they call us for breakfast."

Ian drags his backpack towards him and pulls out two blankets. Mickey snorts and shoves Ian's shoulder.

"Fuck off," Ian says. He stands up and steps out of his shoes before stretching one of the blankets across the hard surface of the roof. He spreads himself out on top of it and gives Mickey a cheesy-ass smile. Mickey laughs and pulls off his shoes, lying next to Ian on the blanket. Ian grabs the second blanket and bunches it into a make-shift pillow for the two of them. 

"This is so gay," Mickey mumbles. Ian laughs and turns toward Mickey. He wraps an arm around Mickey's stomach and a leg around Mickey's thighs. 

"So are you," Ian whispers and laughs. 

Mickey smiles and closes his eyes. His life might be falling apart, but at least he has Ian.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't kill me, okay? This is the only thing I could do all day that kept me from internalizing the story too much. I do not know what it's like to go through something like that. I am not claiming I do. If this story makes you see red, I honestly apologize. 
> 
> My tumblr: withhishands.tumblr.com
> 
> Also, I don't have a beta. If this story is full of glaring mistakes, please let me know/offer to proof it for me.


End file.
